Reflections on Parenting in Weakness

When we recognize our weakness in parenting, we can turn to our heavenly Father, depending on His grace in our weakness.

There is something about watching your own children parent that is surreal and sobering. Parenting is hard. All parents begin with lofty ideals – natural childbirth, unhindered breastfeeding, the best child-rearing practices – only to discover at the moment of birth (or even before) that every ideal begins to fly straight out the window. The birth didn’t go as planned. La Leche League lied about breastfeeding. A few years in, you discover that all of the current child-rearing “best practices” are yielding wearisome tantrums with behaviors that you never dreamed possible for your sweet angel baby. Then the teen years come. Sometimes the fruit of your labors is seen and enjoyed, and at other times, the pain of parenting is only intensified.

Every generation of parents has had their ideals, and every generation has discovered the Genesis 3 curse first-hand. I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children (Genesis 3:16a). Some generations have emphasized the nurture aspects of parenting, while other generations focused on discipline. Throughout the generations, Christian parents have had God’s ultimate ideal in view, to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). However, even Christian parents have found themselves constantly butting up against the curse, recognizing that there is inherent weakness in parenting. With God’s ideal, a perfect balance of nurture and discipline, parents continually find themselves tending to one side or the other, sometimes toggling back and forth during the course of a day. Tomorrow is a new day, you tell yourself. Waking up hopeful, you are met with your own exhaustion, weakness, distraction, and sin. Every parent parents in weakness, and no parent has found the perfect formula. Only our heavenly Father has parented His children perfectly. As we look to Him, there is grace for the journey of nurturing and disciplining our children in weakness. Even so, remember you are finite, and only God is...

 Omnipotent – While we work hard to protect our children, we are not powerful enough to keep bad things from happening to them. We act in wisdom and even seek to be proactive, knowing the dangers that lurk. But ultimately, we are weak. We can’t rule the winds and the waves of this life, keeping them from crashing down on our children. Only God is powerful enough to protect them. He is also the only One with the power to change their hearts from self-serving to Christ exalting.

 Omniscient – We are not all-knowing. We think we know what’s best for our children, but ultimately only the Lord knows what is best. Our parents “disciplined us for a little while as they thought best” (Heb. 12:10a) and every generation has done the same. In a fallen world, there are some parents who intentionally destroy their children (heartbreaking), but most parents love their children and raise them “as they think best.” As parents, we are limited in our knowledge of what is best, so we rely on the Lord and His Word, while doing what we think is best at the time.

 Omnipresent – We certainly can’t be everywhere present as God is. Some parents try. I know a parent who puts Ring cameras all over her house and yard in an attempt to be “everywhere-present.” When there is a fight or a discrepancy in a story (lie), she pulls up the Ring footage to settle the dispute. Maybe this is a wise use of modern technology in parenting? But maybe it’s an attempt to be like God in all the ways that we were never meant to be.[1] You decide. But for our purposes, it is safe to say that we can’t possibly be everywhere-present in the lives of our children. We want to protect them impeccably, but we can’t be everywhere present in their lives to do so.

 Just / righteous – Only God is the perfect judge. He is the perfect judge, because He is all-knowing and everywhere-present. He doesn’t just know the circumstances, but He even knows the hearts involved in the matter. We judge matters in weakness, with limited information and oftentimes not being witness to the situation. Have you ever punished your child for a crime he didn’t commit? I have. It’s painful to have an adult child come to you to share with you about a time when you disciplined him unjustly. “Please forgive me...” was the only appropriate response.

 Sovereign – We are not in control of all the events that will play out in the lives of our children. We are also not sovereign over their salvation. If we only follow this formula, this guru, this family, this Scripture, we are still not guaranteed a good outcome. God calls us to faithfulness in parenting, but it doesn’t guarantee that our children will be saved and walk with the Lord all the days of their lives. We can have great hope that the seeds of the Gospel will take root and bring life to them. But only by the grace of God, through personal faith in Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit will your child come to faith. You can’t do this. You can be faithful, but you can’t save your child.

When we recognize our weakness in parenting, we can turn to our heavenly Father, depending on His grace in our weakness. Weary parent, you can cry out to the One who possesses all power, knows all things, and is with you always. His wisdom is abundant to those who ask (Jas. 1:5), and His Word is “a lamp unto your feet, a light unto your path” (Ps. 119:105). As weak parents, we can embrace our finiteness, letting it drive us more fully to the Infinite One for help. By His grace, we can seek to be consistently faithful in the nurture and discipline of our children. And when we fail, we will not despair but look to Jesus, who lived a perfect life for us and bore all of our sins in His body. We can confess our sins to God and also to our children when needed, asking for their forgiveness too. We can trust God with their hearts and lives, knowing that we can’t be God to them. They are His, and only He can save them and keep them. Whether you are in the early stages of your parenting journey, or like me, you have the immense joy of watching your own children parent, remember that the Lord is God and the generations belong to Him.

[1] A reference to Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him: 10 Ways God is Different from Us (and why that’s a good thing)